Fact

Fact: the American psychiatric association defines Alzheimer's as a "multifaceted loss of intellectual abilities, such as memory, judgment, abstract thought and other higher cortical functions, and changes in personality and behavior" (Sherwin Nuland's How We Die 1993).

Fact: Alzheimer's as a named disease has only existed for the last hundred years or so; prior to this, aspects of the diseases had been observed and labeled under the general term of senility (Nuland).

Fact: someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's/dementia every 70 seconds (King 5 News 9/21).

Fact: more than 35 million people around the world are living with Alzheimer's/dementia (Seattle Times 9/21)

Fact: Mom has been suffering from Alzheimer's since 2005....and probably even earlier, we just didn't have the courage to look.

Fact: "the only rescue [for survivors] comes with the death of a person they loved. And even then, the memories and the dreadful toll drag on, and from these the release can only be partial. A life that has been well lived and a shared sense of happiness and accomplishment are ever after seen through the smudged glass of the last few years" (Nuland)

Fact: Mom's arms are progressing (albeit slowly) with her stroke rehabilitation--she can now move her hands and arms in a limited range of motion during OT. Mom's legs are lifeless, however; no amount of electrical stimulation or electric bicycle exercise seems to make a dent in her incapacities. Mom has no control over her core muscles--when sat on the edge of the therapy bench, Mom flops forward or backwards like a rag doll. For these reasons, Mom remains a full assist when it comes to transfers, to toileting, to eating, to jsut about everything. According to Mom's PT, Mom's current status is "typical" as most stroke patients have significantly more damage to either their legs or their arms; while one of these areas makes gains, the other typically does not. Mom's arms seem to be the lucky arena for improvement.

Fact: Mom's Alzheimer's brain is unpredictable--some days she sounds almost lucid and other days she is a collection of random ideas, none of them easy to understand. Mom's confusion due to her mid-stage Alzheimer's makes "recovery" from her stoke ambiguous. It takes cognition to follow directions, to purpose one's self to recover. Mom's brain is already Swiss cheese--the gaping holes make physical reclamation less than likely.

Fact: Mom knows she's "going crazy" as she puts it. There's nothing that can be said to soften this fact as we, her family, know this too.

Fact: I love my mother and she loves me, more than anything...we've just wasted so many years not believing this about each other. I say to her as I leave today--"I love you so much Mom." She says back to me--"I love you too, so much. In fact, I love you so so so so so much." I hold her hand and am sure I never want to let go. But there won't be a choice.